I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
