they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
