omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
