we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
