he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
