We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
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