I'm eating all of the evidence.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
