kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
