Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
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