Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
