it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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