genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
