would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
