Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
there is glitter all over my balls
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
