Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
