why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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