I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
