how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
