one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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