I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
