you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
