Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
