Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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