it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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