god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
