Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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