you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
