so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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