I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
