My first STD was from a foam party
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
