there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
you win again, gameday.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
