I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
