i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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