My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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