I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
