Im at strip club and am horny
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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