Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
