i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Is it penis luge time yet?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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