I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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