Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
