she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
