you didnt know i had herpes?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
