He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
