there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
