you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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