member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
