It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
