Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
