you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Randomize
