He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I just gift wrapped bread.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
