You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
