Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
