why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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